Monday, April 10, 2006

How to lose traffic on your blog in 10 days

After reading a good article on how to attract people to your blog, I thought I would do the opposite as this seems to be working for me!

Here are my top 10 ways to lose traffic on your blog in 10 days:

  1. Don't add any new content. Let your blog just "chill".
  2. When you do write on your blog, write in a new language that not many people understand. For example: Kred fud kot. (that's have a nice day).
  3. When someone actually adds a comment you should respond by insulting them as well as their entire family
  4. Don't use tags - they are overrated. If someone wants to find your crappy blog, they will
  5. Include any words such as bomb, 911, assassination, Al-Qaeda, George Bush all in the same sentence in the same blog post. If you do, better start running.
  6. Remove yourself from any blog tracking sites such as technorati etc... Write them a nasty letter about how you will hunt them all down if they keep referring people to your blog.
  7. Don't add any comments on any other blogs, ever!
  8. Your only blog should be about how useless Google is and how it's the worst company on the face of the earth. You should add in your post that its only purpose is to make money. In your new secret language (see #2), use the word "Google" to refer to the phrase "worst company ever". This should definitely destroy your blog rankings.
  9. For any people who continue to subscribe to your blog, post messages like a countdown to a time bomb. For example:

    Message #1: This blog will self distruct in 10
    Message #2: 9
    Message #2: 8

    and so on...
  10. Create a splog ( an evil blog) with really good content tags for SEO rankings about your favourite American Idol hopefuls but actually include crazy content (for example, write about the threat of ice cream on global wrming) and create about 5000 blogs with the same syndicated content. When visitors get to your blog, they will be extremely pissed off and probably have you shut down.

    C.

    PS: Here's a great site on SEO marketing




    Tags

13 comments:

Robert Perez said...

This was a funny but really helpful post.

Thanks.

Easton Ellsworth said...

Isn't it funny how easy it is? I almost wanted to take these steps myself :)

Yvonne said...

"Don't add any comments on any other blogs, ever!"

Couldn't agree more. I always laugh whenever I see someone complain about not getting enough traffic, when they clearly don't 'participate' in the blogosphere.

Mama Duck said...

ROTFL, so did you get mad traffic for mentioning all that in one sentence? ;) I'm glad I don't do any of those things, not that I would.... Our list is up if you’d like to look… have a great day!

nancy said...

Hey, that time bomb thing sounds like a pretty cool idea.... :)

Josh Maher said...

hehe, yes get rid of your traffic, then get rid of your blog...
http://joshmaher.wordpress.com/2006/08/14/top-ten-reasons-you-should-not-blog/

Chad H said...

Yvonne - thx for the comment. I checked out your blog and when I upgrade to Wordpress I'll check out more of your posts.

Mama Duck - nice blog but bot quite there yet in life. thx for the comment

Nancy - same comment as Mrs Duck.

Josh - thx for the comment and good luck with your "stop blogging" theme.

Shawn said...

Crackboy, the item that mentions Al Qaeda and stuff. Shouldn't that be "Include these things", and not "Don't include these things"? Most blogs "don't" include them.

Or do I have it backwards? :)

Yvonne said...

Another Wordpress convert - always good to see Chad ;)

Chad H said...

Thx Shawn point taken and I adjusted this post. Aren't comments great?

Shawn said...

Absolutely! Now, if I could just somehow turn off my wife's comments to me... ;)

Carson said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Vanessa Alexander said...

Oh man this made me laugh! I think the last sentence, to check out the SEO site made your point really well...

I came looking for the feed images. You just never know do ya?

Thanks for both!

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